Rodina's Profile
Photography by Stephan Potopnyk
On my journey through my practice of Yoga I have gone through and have learned so much about myself and in life. Yoga has helped me change my life in many ways, and I know my purpose is to bring guidance, knowledge and inspiration to those who are ready to embrace happiness, joy and freedom within their own lives.
Yoga can not only give you the physical benefits of strength, flexibility, balance and co-ordination; but furthermore it is a journey into the self, it's a unification between mind and body at the very centre of your being; which in turn shines forth the truth, love, freedom and bliss of your spirit. The door is open you just have to walk through it!
Namaste,
Rodina
How Yoga Helped me SAVE My Life
I started practicing Yoga at the age of 20. The only reason I tried Yoga was because I found a dvd which stated Fat Burning Yoga. I was always trying to lose weight!
I grew up a fairly chubby girl and had always been made fun of through elementary school. Bullying plays a huge part on ones self-esteem, and though my parents told me to ignore what these peers at school were saying, it was very hard to because when I'd look in the mirror I couldn't help but agree. There was no doubt about it, I was over weight. I would look at myself and agree, I am fat! I am ugly!
As I began to get crushes on boys at school, I noticed the boys only payed attention to the girls that were slim and beautiful. Knowing this, I would torture myself more in front of the mirror and say "no one will ever love you because your fat and ugly". So not only was I enduring the abuse from others at school, but I was doing something much worse by agreeing with them, going home and enduring more abuse from myself. This was my beginning of my own relationship with HELL on EARTH. This was my beginning of my 8 year battle with Anorexia and Bulimia.
Eating disorders blossom through negative repetitive affirmations. As the affirmations become consistent the victim begins to believe them. The power of belief is so emense that it has the power to destroy and or create ie. the storey of Jesus, Hitler and Einstein etc.
Now, because I believed what these peers were saying and I believed myself, I began starving myself at the age of 12 just before the school year had ended before the summer. I was eating less and also during the summer I was playing baseball and doing laps in our swimming pool at home. By the end of the summer I had lost 20lbs. Though I was certainly happy about the weight I had lost, I still saw myself as being fat and wanted to keep losing weight. I continued to eat less and started wearing make up to make myself feel more beautiful. I began the new school year (Grade 8) looking like a totally different person. I heard whispers in the back of the bus "who's that?" "That's Rodina!" Someone else replied. I also heard from a friend at the time that a formal bully had said "wow! Rodina actually looks skinny for once." Hearing this coming from this specific person, I definitely took it as a huge compliment.
Though I lost weight, I always had this fear that I would gain it back. With the mind set that no one would love me unless I was thin, I continued to eat less. This continued to the point where I was half way through the school year and noticed my period had been absent for 6months. I hadn't said anything to my parents I just ignored it, until one day at home after school I got very dizzy, lost my vision for a good minute and fell over on the floor. My parents witnessing this whole episode knew something was wrong. They had noticed I was getting quite thin, but when this happened I knew I had to tell them everything.
My mom booked me a doctors appointment and my doctor made me aware that I was killing myself slowly. I had no idea about the dangers of starving yourself, I just knew it was helping me lose weight. The doctor booked me an appointment to see a dietitian and I was to follow the Canada Food Guide. At this point I had started eating more, but was still very scared that I would gain weight. So I ate very healthy foods and started counting calories.
What happened next began my journey through Bulimia. I had deprived myself of treats, fast food, and anything unhealthy for so long, and a girl at school told me she was throwing up after she ate. I thought to myself " what if I can allow myself to eat treats/unhealthy foods and just throw them up so I don't have to keep the calories in my system?" It's amazing what you can make yourself believe in order to feel accepted. And so it began. My struggle with Bulimia lasted from the age of 13 to 20. The name calling at school and my own abusive thoughts continued as well.
The bullying continued into my 1st year of high school, even though I was thin, it seemed someone always had something to say to put me down. My self-esteem and self-confidence was at it's all time low. Thoughts and actions of suicide became apart of my reality. My parents finally agreed with me and had me transfered to another high school, where I had already known a few people. It was a safer environment. The bullying finally stopped and I began to actually look forward to going to school.
However, because I was bullied for so long, and allowed myself to believe what I was hearing as well as torture myself in my own head with my own negative thoughts. I became depressed frequently and was very with drawn from class participation. I was filled with anxiety and fear. It was so bad that I couldn't even go into Tim Hortons and ask for a coffee without my face going red.
I continued living in this state of mind until the age of 20, knowing now that I had turned to food for comfort. Food had became my drug of choice, using food to make myself feel better for the moment of eating, yet feeling so guilty and ashamed after eating that I would throw up and the process would start over again. It was a vicious cycle I couldn't stop, and I felt hopeless and trapped. I knew I despretly needed help, but I didn't know where to go or who to turn to. I had even looked up rehab clinics for eating disorders, but that involves staying in the clinic until your better and is very costly. I had bills to pay and just moved out on own so that possibility seemed so out of reach. This was when I stumbled upon the Yoga dvd that helped me save my life.
In my last year of being bulimic I was at my all time worst with obsessive compulsive addictive eating and had gained 30lbs. Going from 110lbs-140lbs, I had to buy a whole new wardrobe which was very upsetting. I just wanted to be happy with my weight and be happy with myself in my own skin. I tried the dvd and loved it! It was such a good whole body workout, and my whole body was sore the next day so I knew this Yoga was definitely doing something. I practiced this dvd religiously 3-5 times a week. Little did I know at that time that there was spiritual and emotional balancing effects that take place within your body the more you practice on a regular basis.
Yoga starts with the breath, taking nice slow deep breaths as if your breathing to a slow count of 4, or controlling the breath by seeing how long you can make your inhalations and exhalations. This style of breathing strengthens the diaphragm, tones and cleanses the internal organs, relaxes and releases tension in the body, clears and quiets the mind and helps to balance the nervous system. In Yoga we practice Ujjayi Breath meaning Ocean Breath because your breath sounds like soft waves sliding onto the shore. The sound of the breath helps to quiet the mind and relax the mind to help keep the mind in the present moment (clear of thoughts), instead of following your thoughts from past or future that tend to take over our present moments. Yoga means "to Yoke", "to Join together", "Union" etc. Essentially meaning your are uniting the mind and the body together as one. Giving each participant the opportunity to get to know their body and learn to trust the signals from within the body.
The style of Yoga that I tried was a Vinyasa Flow/Ashtanga style, in which the Yoga postures are put together in a sequence to get the heart rate going and tone and strengthen the whole body. The flow of postures combined with the deep Ujjayi breathing has numerous effects on the body physically and spiritually.
Physically, your toning, trimming inches and burning fat, improving balance and co-ordination, and strengthening your body and mind.
Spiritually, as the Yoga practice revolves around Ujjayi breathing,the breath helps to open the subtle inner channels that the thoughts travel in throughout the body. The goal of Yoga is Nirvana, this refers to permanently stopping all our negative thoughts. For it's the negative thoughts that we choose to think that cause us pain, and most people don't realize that this way of thinking is a choice! Depression and Anxiety are a choice that comes down to choosing, am I going to think negatively about others/myself or positively. It's the thoughts that we choose to think that cause the emotions we feel in our body, so if your one of those people that don't like how you feel you have to change what your thinking about. If you want to stop pain, you have to stop the seeds from the past which caused the pain. And this is done in the mind, in deep meditation and Yoga practice.
The incredible magic of Yoga is that it actually attacks negative thoughts on a physical level, as the Yoga postures release blockages from pain from the past that has been held in the body. If we are doing our Yoga poses correctly then, the side channels within the body open up, which actually causes us to think more clearly and kindly. A totally calm and properly focused mind brings negative thoughts to a stand still.
Whether you practice Hatha, Ashtanga, Anusara, Kundalini, Kriya etc. Whether your having a relaxing Yoga practice or more of a workout, the physical effects may vary in your practice where the spiritual effects will always stir within the body and allow you to take in what your body needs to take in and release what your body needs to release. This allows your mind and body to find balance emotionally and physically within itself.
This is how Yoga helped me save my life. Just when I thought I had no where to go and no one to turn to for help with the eating disorder that I had let rule my life, I found Yoga.
Physically, I went from that 140lbs to 120lbs and gained some muscle strength, trimmed inches and my balance was superior. My body looked toned and healthy and left me feeling confident.
Spiritually, I noticed in the first few weeks of practice that the breath had a huge impact on the way I felt. I felt more relaxed, less anxious, I noticed my thoughts and how an abundance of them were negative, and knew that had to change. Naturally because I felt good after a Yoga workout it kept me coming back for more. I began listening to my body and only eating when I was hungry and stop when I was full, opposed to binge eating because I just wanted to taste more food. It was like I all of a sudden had control again. I could say no to my mind when it wanted more food. I could say no to throwing up, because I wanted to get better and had the will power to fight back. I was finally sick of living in fear and pain that I was choosing to live in. Having this control again was my start/beginning of the path I chose, to teach Yoga and help others heal their relationships with themselves. So that people can start living their lives in the happiest and most free state as possible.
At this time of transition within myself I had no idea it was my Yoga practice that helped me. Though I had noticed these changes within my body, it wasn't until I entered into my Yoga teacher training did I figure out the whole puzzle. And I continue to this day to keep striving and learning about myself and my practice to give others the full benefit from learning the knowledge that I have lived through.
To this day I am 7 1/2 years clean of my eating disorder, and I have never felt so proud of myself and free to live the life I now choose to create each day.
I am so blessed and greatful!
Amen,
Rodina Patrick
* the blue bolded print above are quotations from The Yoga Sutra Translated in English for the 1st time by Geshe Micheal Roach and Lama Christie McNally*
